Comforting Moments
by Miarka
Summary: One shot. Saavik/David Marcus. Pretty fluffy, and mostly written for my benefit but I'd love you to read and review. Saavik becomes emotionally unstable after Spock's death, will David Marcus offering her comfort be enough to help her overcome her grief? Note: I don't own anything.


The first bleep sounded. But I did not respond.

It sounded again, and this time the noise reached my clouded and fussy mind.

I started, glancing over at the closed door. Then springing up from my bed I ran into the bathroom, and stared at my reflection in the mirror over the basin. Lt Saavik. The woman who does not feel, yet here her face stared unblinkingly back at me. Eyes wet, hair crumpled, and cheeks stained with salt water.

For a third time the bleep came.

I hurriedly made effort to clear my face of all emotion. But it wouldn't work, for you could still see the marks and the water twinkling in my eyes.

"Enter" I called. And I heard the swish of the door sliding open, and a footstep coming in.

I briskly turned from the bathroom and into my quarters, in the best possible manner I had always learnt, but at the same time letting whoever it was know my past lamenting moments.

It was David Marcus.

Among the many different emotions I was feeling inwardly, I was surprised and startled, but also slightly annoyed at his appearance. Why should he wish to see me? And was it really necessary at a time like this? I was certainly not in the mood for a visit from anyone.

Doing my best to keep all emotions hidden from my face I took up my usual stance with my body straight and my hands behind my back in the hope that he would overlook the state I was in. "Is there anything I can assist you with?"

"My God, Saavik, what's wrong?" He was clearly having none of it despite my best efforts. He did, however, step inside my quarters, allowing the door to swish shut. I was grateful for at least only one person would have to see my sorrowful-state tonight. If another Vulcan had seen me this would be extremely difficult to explain indeed.

"I am perfectly fine." I lied to him. It was the first lie of my life; I was clearly off to a good start this evening. "What did you come here for?"

"Well, I came to ask you something." He explained to me while avoiding eye contact with me by looking around my quarters, his eyes carefully studying everything except my face. I noticed how his body was shifting in an awkward and uncomfortable way, but I couldn't understand why. "But I can see it wouldn't be appropriate right now."

"I assure you Doctor Marcus that I-"

"David" He cut in on me. "It's David, please." His gaze was suddenly very fixed upon me.

"David." I started again, this time much slower. "While I do have appreciation for you're very human sympathy I must make it very clear that -"

"It's very clear that you're not okay, Saavik." He told me, once again looking around awkwardly. "But you know what; I think its okay to not be okay right now." His gaze laid upon me once more in his very fixed way as he spoke the last comment.

I watched as the slowly walked over to my bed and sat down, perched on the end, leaning forward slightly with his hands resting on his thighs. "Do you want to talk about it?"

I stared at him with curiosity and through habit of many years I instantly raised one eyebrow.

A smile twitched at the corner of his mouth but he stopped himself. "It helps to talk about it, you know." He explained seriously. "When you feel like this."

"I shouldn't be feeling anything." I explained, becoming slightly shaky at the pressure of having to hold my traditional stance and emotionless face.

"That's exactly why you need to talk." He said looking up at me. "To help you understand what you're feeling and why you're feeling it."

I considered it for a brief moment. He was human and did fully understand emotions and feelings. And I did believe I could trust him and perhaps he was right, and it would help me to understand.

So I dropped the agonizing position and attitude I had been holding, crossed over to my bed and flopped down beside him and buried my face in my hands with my long dark hair curling over my face as the tears started to come again.

"Spock is dead." I started, lifting my face from my hands as I did so and looking directly forward. "And I should be able to accept that he's dead and continue my life, yet I...I don't know, it's as if I know I won't be able to move on with him gone." I rubbed my eyes with my hands, wiping away the tears slightly. I didn't look at David but I knew he was watching me. "Nearly all my life I've followed Spock, I've trusted his judgement and done what he's told me to do, and it's done me well because I wouldn't be here in Starfleet without him, especially since I'm so young. Without him, I wouldn't have a life." Finally I broke my gaze from the other side of my room, and turned my face to look at him. "I've always had his guidance and judgement; I've always followed him and trusted in what he's done, and now I suppose I'm afraid that in losing him, I'll lose myself too, because I don't see how I can prosper without him. And I know how selfish this sounds, given that I'm supposed to be mourning him, not just thinking of myself."

He smiled. "It's okay, and given all we've just been through, I think you deserve to be a little selfish." David continued in a soft voice to me. "Well, it seems by your problem, I'd suggest living your life like he would have done."

I was confused by what he said. How could I ever be Spock? And since I wasn't trying to hide anything it obviously read in my face.

"Look I barely knew him, but from what I know he made a good life for himself. And perhaps if you want to respect the life he lead but also make a life for yourself, every time you're faced with a situation and you don't know what to do, you just ask yourself what would Spock do? That way he's never really gone, because his actions and way of living can be passed on through you."

I stared at him in complete astonishment. "That's genius" was all that I could utter.

"What can I say" He smiled. "You Vulcans might be all high and mightily on the science and intelligence front, but you know what, us Humans can do some things quite well too."

His last comment made me think perhaps I'd been underestimating Humans all this time, and suddenly I also realised that David too must have lost many people close to him on Regular 1. Those people gave their lives for him, and here was I unable to control my grief over one person. Yet he sat invisible of all emotion. So to make up for the guilt I now felt I stretched out my hand to him and slot it finely into him. I felt a small squeeze from his hands as he cupped it around mine, it felt oddly comforting.

"I do have respect for Humans, and I do admire you as a race, very resourceful, and courageous...and in some circumstances very trustworthy." I spoke the last words softly too him. Then I bowed my head and refused to look at him. "I must also apologise for my selfish attitude, you must also have lost many people close to you."

Suddenly but also very gently I felt his fingertips resting on my chin as he lifted my face upwards to view his once again.

"Yeah, I lost friends and I still don't think I'm over it, I'm still pretty angry about it and I kind of wish I could take revenge on some way, but I know that's not right. That would turn me into a person no better than Khan was. And I also know they didn't die in vain, because they gave their lives for Genesis, and now we've still got it. Just as Spock gave his life to save all of our lives, so the best we can to is live are own lives in the full as a thanks that we have them because of him."

And thus as his speech ended I felt selfishness no longer, but instead pride. A pride that I did believe we both shared because we were both in the same suffering experience together.

"Is this how humans deal with bitterness?" I asked him gently. "I have often wondered seeing as you have such a various number of emotions. How do you still manage to make decision with them controlling you?"

He laughed at me, looking down, and I was perplexed, but then he smiled up at me and stroked my hand absent-mindedly. "Well not all humans deal this way, each person is different, and some turn to revenge as you have observed. But I choose not to. And I think what's worth living for is to try and be better. So that even if we've lost people their deaths were not in vain because the universe has become a better place by the ways their deaths have affected us. "

"Why did you come to see me?" I asked, curiously. It occurred to me that he had no reason for coming here. I was glad that he had come, but why had he in the first place.

"Ah." He blushed and turned his face away from mine. "I can't tell you, it wouldn't be appropriate right now."

"But you will tell me, won't you?" I pressed, turning towards him were I sat.

He continued looking down. "It was a bad idea for me to come, I shouldn't have." He told me grimly, or was it sadly? There was something upsetting in his voice.

"No, David, I'm glad you came." I said, taking his face in my hands to look at him. "You've made it better for me...can't I make it better for you."

He laughed at me. "I'd really like you to." He said slowly. "But it wouldn't be in a way you'd like, Saavik." He smiled sadly at me, looking into my eyes.

Then it happened so quickly that I didn't even realise what he'd done at first. One second his fingers were on my cheeks, wiping the last of the salt water off my face. And the next he'd pressed his lips to mine.

It was so brief, but it was warm, and I realised after that the pressure was the most comforting thing yet.

He pulled back as suddenly as he'd begun. I was still seconds back and for a long time confused of where I was, what was happening to me, what had happened. It all faded in his kiss.

"Oh god" he cried, staring at my face in complete shock. "God, I'm so sorry."

Next thing I knew he was springing up from the bed and backing away to the door.

"I'm sorry." He told me, I wasn't good at reading facial emotion, but his face was easy; he looked utterly appealed. "I never meant to." He stammered. "Please forget I did that." He said quickly, and then turned to walk out.

"David wait" I called after him, jumping up from the bed as I did so.

He turned to see me, almost at the door. The shock had left him, and he just looked so sad. I didn't know what was happening to me, but I felt instantly sorry for him.

"I don't...I don't want to be alone tonight." I managed to stammer out.

He turned fully away from the door and walked back towards me. With that I crumpled and fell into his arms, crying all over again.

"Don't." I heard his muffled voice say from the place where I had my face buried in his neck. "Please don't cry...I hate it when you're crying."

I backed off, looking at him, his arms were still around me, yet I oddly didn't mind. "You really care, don't you?"

He nodded.

"Is that what you came here for?" I asked.

"Well, I was hoping to be a bit more professional." He explained. "I was going to ask you out to dinner or something."

"That's so human."

"Sorry." He laughed.

"I don't think I mind." I paused. "David, will you stay with me tonight, not in your human way, but just be here for me, please?"

Suddenly he gripped me in his arms once again. "Yes. For you." He told me.

I unwrapped myself from him. "Sit down." I said. Then I walked over to the far end of my room. Slipping open the draw I pulled out a bottle, hidden in the back and closing the draw walked back to him.

"Saavik this is illegal" he exclaimed as I handed him the bottle.

"Not where I come from." I said, taking two glasses down from a shelf. "I am half-Romulan, and I was given a few bottles when I left for Vulcan, of course I don't get to open one all that often."

"I won't tell."

"Thank you." I said, sitting down beside him and pouring a glass for each of us. I extended the glass in my hand into the air gracefully and spoke. "In memory of all those that we have lost, may they live on through us."

He gently chinked his glass against mine and smiled at me before taking a sip.

* * *

I woke the next morning to a rustling of sheets. Opening my eyes, there was David standing up beside my bed.

"I have go back." He explained to me, seeing that I was awake.

I nodded and sat up slightly, feeling my crumpled bed hair tumbling over my shoulders.

He bent down and leaned over me where I sat in the bed. "I won't tell anyone, I promise."

"About the alcohol?" I asked, still somewhat asleep.

He laughed. "Yes, about the alcohol, and about the kiss, and about your troubles...about the whole night in fact. I was never here."

He turned to go but I quickly grabbed him, pressing my hands around his face, and then I kissed him so I could feel his warmth again before he left me. "Somehow I doubt you're likely to forget."

The corners of his mouth twitched into a smile as he looked at me, then he drew my arms from him, placing them back upon my bed covers as they should be. He turned at the door to glance back at me.

I smiled at him as I watched him leave.


End file.
